When a Public Funeral, Burial and Gatherings for Mourning are not permitted
There are a number of unprecedented measures taking place as a result of the COVID-19 coronavirus that will restrict and limit certain gatherings which includes funerals, burials, wakes, viewings and shivas. Consequently, mourners will now experience a new type of grief, when the traditional and common practices observed surrounding end-of-life are abruptly changed.
When an individual passes away, a mourning family receives emotional and physical support from their extended family, network of friends and the community during the funeral service, internment, wakes, viewings, shivas and beyond. Generally, this expression of sympathy is received by physical embraces in the form of a hug at the funeral, burial and gatherings for mournings. In general, these gatherings by friends and the community helps to lift the spirit and deliver support. It is important to realize there will be a new grief felt with an absence of the physical interaction most commonly experienced.
How to attend a sympathy gathering when there is no gathering
There are many ways to show support and help friends and family during a time of loss. Although paying respects is most commonly accomplished when getting together in person, there remain many ways to offer thoughts and express condolences.
Expressing Condolences and Providing Support
The support of friends and family during a time of loss helps mourners heal and navigate the challenging times. When it is not possible to attend a funeral, burial, wake, viewing or shiva, below are several ways family and friends can help provide comfort to those mourning a loss:
Social Interaction – Engagement
When physical presence is not an option, it remains important to engage with mourners and redefine how we support grieving families and friends. When there is a private burial, funeral, or gathering and mourners are isolated due to extreme circumstances, expressing condolences and remaining in touch through technology is effective and useful in advancing the grieving process. During this period of social distancing, physically being with the mourning family and friends may be difficult or not possible, so remaining in close contact by phone, text, FaceTime and other means of technology is more acceptable and appropriate.
Personal Notes and Messages
In general, writing a sympathy note, message or condolence card sharing thoughts and offering personal expressions are well received. Given restrictions, closures and limited resources, an email containing sentiments is also acceptable.
Bereavement Gifts and Meals for the Family
Food is a thoughtful way of paying tribute and at the same time provides nourishment for the family when they are not thinking about or find it difficult to prepare meals or snacks for themselves. In many traditions it is common to send a sympathy basket or condolence meal especially if you are not able to attend the funeral or memorial gathering. Flowers are another way to send condolences and to let the family know you’re thinking of them. Overall, the mourning family should still be cared for and sending a sympathy gift remains an appropriate way to express condolences.
Plant a Tree in the Holyland
Planting a tree in memory of an individual or family’s loved one remains an appropriate way to express condolences. This is a time honored tradition for all life cycle events for Christians and Jews alike. Planting a living tree in the holy land is a way to perpetuate the life and legacy of friends, family and ancestors no longer here. Together with the tree planting, a custom certificate will be created and mailed to the family to honor their loved one and also express condolences.
Your Support Can Still Be Felt
There will never be a replacement of personal interaction, however these options for expressing condolences and showing support will assist family members, friends and colleagues during their time of need.